The CNY area seems to be plagued by this... what is it you ask? It's the snarky holier than thou we're the best and no one else should even exist mentality. It's the cool kids who aren't really cool because they have to keep telling everyone they are. When people ask us why we choose to travel outside our area for clubs and group events, this is a primary reason. There is so much in fighting and member poaching that the area suffers. People who don't check all the various options out there and stay local don't know any better because this is all they see. They've never actually experienced a well run hotel takeover or groups that work together. They fall into the rumor mill and trash talk. The go to parties hosted by someone else and poach to gain members instead of sharing amongst all. They'll claim they're not cliquey and the problem is YOU. But what is a "clique"? The difference is this: When you go to a party or event and the hosts or group makes no effort to engage or makes people feel like they shouldn't be there or actively excludes those that don't "fit in" - THAT'S CLIQUEY! If you go to a party where everyone can engage anyone and talk or just enjoy themselves that's the difference and it's NOT cliquey.
For example, we've been to parties with people ranging from their mid 20's out to 70 with all sizes, shapes, & races. No one made anyone feel awkward or like they shouldn't be there. While the 20 somethings may not be looking to play with the older crowd, they still made them feel welcome by talking to them. Even people in their respective groups who are long time friends still talk and help people network. That's the difference versus cliques keeping to themselves or sneering at those they feel don't fit in. Speaking from our experiences, we've had encounters with those "hotties" in their 20's & early 30's happen by just chatting them up and going with the flow whereas other group owners would say we were "shopping outside our tax bracket" because we approached them. If you treat people with respect, most of the time they will reciprocate.
When a group is telling people they need to ask about attending another groups parties or when a group has their "security" going around asking who's in YOUR room and that you can't be there or open it until after a certain time... those are HUGE red flags for us. We will NEVER tell anyone to not go to an event. When asked why we don't there, we may let them know why in general terms while also explaining they should try various things out to see what works for them. That's exactly how we found the clubs and events we enjoy!
These are actual messages we've received from people that back up this theory as well as a group owners own words. We've taken out names as we aren't in the business of trashing the groups and we actually still still post parties for some of them so people know what options they have.
A good host(s) will help engage people and facilitate mingling versus blame their guest for "not trying hard enough". Yes, some people are shy for any number of reasons (first party, new couple, inexperience, etc.) and need hosts to offer things to engage others. I already covered the "tax bracket" comment above in the body of the post.
This person had experienced a bad venue and the clique syndrome which turned them off to the area events.
This was from a single female who went to a hyped up party expecting a big production only to find very little was actually provided.
This was from another single female who is newer to the LS (less than a year) and felt very unwelcome at a recent hotel party.
This one was actually quite shocking to us. The fact that a group is requiring people to ask permission to attend or go out with other people is just crazy. We seen some control issues at actual on site parties, but this one takes the cake.